“You wouldn't be seeing my face in an ad right now if you were a bit more supportive, youngster. Click to support pepperlegs.com”
I Want to Curse My Friends, But I’m Not Very Creative
“Looking for suggestions? You’ve come crawling to the right old woman. Here. Seven ways to make mischief. Try not to bungle them.”
A trinket with a backstory
Wander into a second-hand shop and grab something nobody wanted — a ceramic frog, a single earring, a bust of a man who looks personally disappointed in you. Invent its history. A tale of woe and deception. A wedding ruined. Slap a QR on it and decide what curse it carries. Can’t think of a curse? Pfft. On the Forge page there’s a button — “Ask Pepper Legs’ expertise.” I’ll draft you one, since clearly you cannot.
Photobomb their memories
Take one of their cherished photographs. Edit yourself into it — smiling, waving, oh so welcome — frame it nicely, and slip it into their collection. The curse: an uninvited guest who simply will not leave their family history. They’ll point at it at dinner and not remember inviting you.
The 3D printer you “needed”
Buy yourself a state-of-the-art 3D printer. You were looking for an excuse to own one anyway, don’t pretend otherwise. Print a masterpiece that makes no sense — a tiny staircase to nowhere, a clock with no face — and gift it. The curse: a confusion that never quite resolves, sitting on the shelf, judging.
A book that isn’t theirs
Find a book plainly not to their taste. DIY home repair, for the unhandy gentleman in your life. Peel nothing. Throw that QR sticker right on the front. Tuck it on their shelf between the books they actually love. The curse: they keep meaning to read it and never, ever do.
The shoe tree
Have an old pair of shoes you don’t know what to do with? Add them to their shoe tree. One more pair of boots among the others. These boots were made for stalkin’. Also — do not stalk people. I shouldn’t have to say that, and yet here we are. The curse: their shoes never feel quite like their own.
Vegemite, hidden
Order a jar of Vegemite. Slap a sticker on it. Hide it in their refrigerator among their many, many condiments. If someone you know already had Vegemite, this app is considered a commercial success — we’ve gotten curses as far as Australia. The curse: an Australian haunting they did not sign up for.
One more lawn ornament
Add a lawn ornament to their lawn ornaments. A turtle. A gnome. That ugly turtle. “When did I acquire that?” they’ll wonder. Little do they realize it’s the cause of not being able to pour milk without spilling just a little bit, every single time.
Still stuck on the curse itself?
“Honestly. Fine. On the Forge page I’ll write one for you. One click. I’m spoiling you.”
“A fine mess you've made, youngster.”